Making a connection with someone in a social context
This may not appeal to the romantic in you, but it’s my firm belief and the experience of myself and of my coaching clients – that you have to go out and make it happen. Prince Charming isn’t going to show up on your doorstep. You have to go out there and take action. So – when you receive an invitation to a social event, unless there’s a really pressing why NOT to accept (eg World War Three is about to break out, your front teeth have been knocked out, your cat’s in intensive care……), you must never refuse, because this might be the very night when you strike it lucky!
Here are some tips to help you connect with a fanciable man:
On arrival at an event:
- Scan the room discreetly to ascertain whom you’d like to meet.
- Turn down the volume on any inner chattering doubts and turn up your confidence volume.
- Approach the person and smile at him. If he’s mid conversation, don’t interrupt, but wait for a convenient pause. You have to put yourself in his path to flirt, but don’t seem too obvious.
Getting a conversation going:
- Introduce yourself and then create the opportunity to chat about something you have in common. You can unearth this by asking him open questions – e.g., “how do you know our host?”, “what do you do?”, “where have you travelled from tonight?”, “what did you do at the weekend?”, “what sort of a day have you had today?” Once you find your initial “hook” in the opening conversation, you should be able to establish a dialogue flow thereafter.
Show your interest in him:
- Encourage him to talk about himself as much as possible.
- Find out what he’s passionate about, and get him talking about this. Ask open questions so he can’t just answer “yes”, or “no”.
- Be a great listener – don’t interrupt and use his name when you can. Don’t talk about yourself non-stop.
- Draw attention to your body by wearing something which is feminine, vaguely provocative and leaves him guessing. Accentuate your body assets and forget about those body “liabilities”!
- Head up, shoulders back – and smile! Smiling makes you seem attractive.
- Flip your hair. This is SO feminine!
- Crash through the touch stigma. Find ways to lightly touch him when you can. If he cracks a joke, let your hand rest on his forearm while you’re laughing. Touch his shoulder lightly. Establish a sense of fun and camaraderie with him.
- Lean towards him whilst talking to him. Never cross your arms as it makes you appear to be defensive.
- Make him feel he’s the most special guy in the world by giving him your full attention and keep looking him straight in the eye. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted.
- Laugh at his jokes – even if they’re terrible!
- Ask him to dance and then let your inner goddess come to the fore – but in moderation. Dancing’s a great way to connect with a man in a flirtatious way.
- Tease him gently about minor things – it shows him that you’re fun and have a sense of humour.
- Find something you admire about him and pay him a few compliments. Everyone enjoys having their ego massaged! Don’t go overboard though.
- Expect to be teased back! It’ll show him you’re a good sport.
- Keep the conversation light – no relationship post mortems on your side or grilling him about his ex. Best also keep off the thorny topics of sex, politics and religion – for now anyway!
Leave him wanting more:
- Don’t exhaust the conversation to the point there’s nothing more to chat about.
- Walk away while he’s still interested so he realises he must see you again.
- Leave an opening for “a next time”. Say you have to dash off now, but maybe you could get together sometime soon to continue the conversation?
- If he says “yes”, ask for his contact details. Men like women who are proactive. Why should they all make the running?
- Don’t act too desperate as this will be off-putting.
- Listen to your intuition and trust your instincts – he’s not the last man in the world you’ll meet, so if he doesn’t take the bait – don’t panic. It’s his loss. There are plenty more fish in the sea!