We all know them. They present themselves to us in every shape, form, colour, creed and size, and in every walk of life. They’re the ones who pontificate, or impose their pathetic opinions onto you uninvited , or manipulate or control you then leave you hanging high and dry – the emotional detritus lingering around your persona like a rancid smell.
This sad fact is even more poignant in the area of personal and intimate relationships. They manifest themselves, as if by black magic, string you along, mess you up and then make it feel like it’s all your fault. Some assholes have personality disorders, or unaddressed addictions. Or they could be serial philanderers. The potential to be an asshole is endless.
But – before you think I’m going to let you off the hook and fall into victim mode, I’m here to tell you that it’s YOUR responsibility to eliminate these turds before they get the smallest foothole in your love life. I don’t care if they spin you the oldest line in the book, such as “my wife doesn’t understand me” (oh but she does folks – only too well), or “my daddy didn’t buy me a bow wow” (go get a rescue dog from Battersea) – trust me – somewhere, deep down, in the first few meetings with Mr Asshole – you instinctively KNEW this one was going to be yet another dud – a bozo looking for a temporary repository for his miserable presence, before sallying forth to the next poor wench.
I say this as someone who has entertained the dubious company of multiple assholes in my life – and I even married two of them before wisening up and realising that My Type wasn’t my type AT ALL, and was just a toxic legacy, left over from my partially miserable childhood. Woe is me – not! I was responsible for putting myself in a position to be hurt – and so are you! The lesson will be repeated until it’s learned!
Why do I assert this? Simples. We all have inherent instincts and we read information about everyone we meet. It may be subconscious and buried deep, deep down in our psyche – but I’m here to tell you that we KNOW when we meet somebody. The trouble is, we can be so needy that we override those early warning signals. We can delude ourselves that with us the asshole will be different, that this time the story will end happily and we’ll waltz off into the sunset, holding hands, living happily ever after.
Bollocks. Once an asshole – ALWAYS an asshole – unless and until said asshole becomes desperate enough to do the Inner Work on themselves – nothing will change. There are plenty of women assholes too. Being an asshole isn’t in any way sexist.
Practising mindfulness and being much more mindful in your life, is the best way to learn to listen to and trust your instincts. They tell you everything you need to know – but you have to make time to sit, let go, and have the courage of your own convictions, to put into action what your innate good sense is telling you to do ie telling Mr Asshole to bog off pronto before you’re lulled into his web.
So my Five Rules for Asshole Management are so simple you could miss them:
Please – do yourself a massive favour and undertake The Work on your inner self. In so doing, you’ll find that your inherent, instinctive Asshole Alert will soon flourish and hold you in very good stead so that next time an asshole looms into your orbit, promising you the moon – you immediately press the “REJECT” button.